Today another writing friend shares a story. This time it’s her story.
Here’s Marlo:

“Infertility. Most of my adult life, I fought it. It’s challenged my faith, robbed my bank account, and in the end, made me into a stronger, braver woman. From it, I’ve written a nonfiction book on infertility, Empty Womb, Aching Heart, and several novels. But none of that would have happened if I hadn’t remembered Sarah.

For years friends and family would say “Remember Sarah!” to encourage me to have faith. Rebecca, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth–God opened their wombs, but mine was still closed. Didn’t I have enough faith? So, my Bible sat on the shelf, unopened, my prayer journal lay unused, and my attendance at church dwindled.

Then, one day I was cleaning out the closet when I found a small journal with peonies on the front. I sat on the floor, with my back against the closet door, and rubbed one hand over the first page. “Junior Year,” it read in big purple letters, my favorite color. I flipped to about half way through and began to read.

I saw the sunrise today, Lord. It was amazing. I wish I could say that I saw it because I was up early to pray, but as You know, I had to pull an all-nighter to get that paper done. But it was worth it to see the streaks of orange, red, and gold at the dawn of a new day. I stood there and thought to myself, I know the One who made that sunrise. The same One who lives in me. You know, I can feel You there, Lord, in my heart. Some days, like today, Your love is a tangible thing, like a warm blanket that wraps around my insides. In these moments, I feel like I could shout to the stars about what an awesome, incredible, super-wow God You are. I can’t believe there was ever a time when I turned my back on You. What a fool I was. But everything’s different now, God. My life, my heart, is filled with the wonder of knowing You. I’ll never forget this feeling. I’ll never forget to keep loving You. I promise . . .

Tears came to my eyes. I’d lost something more precious than my hope for a child. I’d lost my closeness with God. And that had made my heart even emptier than my womb. Yet, I could still feel the anger at God that was lodged in my heart like a huge stone, burying me in my self-made tomb. How could I ever get past my pain?

I rose from the floor and began to write.

God, it’s me, you know, the one who keeps asking you for a baby. Well, I’m so mad at You I could just spit . . .

That long, slow journey back to God is also reflected in Kinna the main character in If Tomorrow Never Comes. She, too, finds a new kind of strength and sacrifice through her journey through infertility.

Only when I surrendered all my dreams, doubts, and difficulties to God, He gave me two daughters, and after miscarriages, twin boys.
All God asks is that we bring our frustration, fears, anger, and questions to Him. He has big shoulders, as big as the sunrise.”

Marlo, I also had to go through infertility and all the nasty tests and dismissive doctors. I am grateful for the son and daughter God gifted me with. Yet sometimes God does not send children. I think however that your story shows that God never abandons us and the true victory is to live within His gracious will for us.