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Author Patricia Hickman & How to Handle the Holidays When Grieving — 9 Comments

  1. I lost my father 33 years ago (when I was 20) due to a car accident. It was Christmas Eve. I would say that it has only been the last few years that I stopped feeling depressed every December. I know that my siblings and mother have felt the same way. We have gone on with our own lives, but there is always that hole that cannot be replaced.

  2. I am facing my first holiday season without my father who died in July of this year. Though we had time to say goodbye, I miss his smile and his laughter. Thank you for this lovely post…(HUGS TO YOU!)

  3. I agree that you don't totally get over grief, but I have found that the God inside me is bigger than the loss I suffered. There are always other people that I can help get through things, and when I focus on that, things get better. God does provide healing for grief, and I think its best to ultimately seek healing and find out what kind of life I can be living now. Not that you ignore it or don't give yourself permission to grieve and remember, but that you try not to center your life around it. Our life is to be centered in Christ.

  4. I have not lost a child but have lost my parents and my dh's parents and all my aunts and uncles but one now.
    Sometimes I weep for friends who have also gone on to the Lord and a brother.
    The times I cry the most is driving somewhere alone in the car. That's when thoughts of them come to me. I have no idea why.
    Please pray for Mary K who just lost her husband the week before Thanksgiving.
    And thanks again, Patricia, for sharing your story. And thanks to the rest of you for sharing too.

  5. Thank you for leaving a comment about your own journey of grief. Each of you have discovered that you don't "get over" grief or even bring "closure" to your loss. Your loss is personal, devastating, and your life will never be in the same shape as before your loss. I'm so sorry that discussions like this have to happen, but glad they do happen. Our mutual grief is a sacred wall where we gather to remember and memorialize the beauty of the life taken so suddenly from us. Hugs to you and thank you again for being so authentic and honest.
    Patricia

  6. I lost my dear Mother in June 2006 to Lung Cancer. It was a major blow to our family as my mother never smoked and seemed to be in the best of health. She was the root of our family traditions. We all had to overcome the anger that almost always comes from losing a loved one in the prime of their life. My dad has never put up a tree and will not let us put one up since her death. However, I have since been able to pull out many of her most precious Christmas decorations and place them with honor on my table and on my tree. I have come to realize what a miracle and blessing from God it was to have her in our lives at all. She was and always will be our angel. Now, when I hold one of her one of her decorations I can feel the love she had for us and for Christmas.

  7. Thank you for your comforting article. My daughter lost her husband in August as the result of a motorcycle accident. We are restructuring the holidays — she is coming to visit me and we are taking a trip to start a new tradition.

    We did the same thing several years ago when my husband passed away in January. He was Mr. Christmas and we couldn't face the holidays without him — so we took a trip to Hawaii and gave ourselves time to heal before having to resume Christmas lights and trees.

    May all those who have suffered losses find peace in Christ and may we all remember the true reason for celebration.

  8. This is such a good post. I too lost a daughter. She was brutally murdered at the age of seventeen. The holidays were a very painful thing for us, as it was Liz's favorite.

    We did things differently for the first year, and probably would have the second year as well, but my three sons asked if we could please have Christmas at our house again and do like we used to. It was important to them to have some tradition, sort of life as it used to be, even without their older sister.

    I lead grief support groups and we have a special Surviving the Holidays program that we do that gives people permission to NOT do things. It is so important to know that normal will not be the same, and commitments will be over the top for most people.

    Thanks for sharing this, and I hope those that are grieving will take hope with all that was said.

  9. Thanks so much, Patricia, for sharing this heartfelt advice. Our daughter-in-law's dear uncle/godfather died unexpectedly this week as did the unborn almost full-term grandbaby of a friend. Timely words.

    My mother was born around Thanksgiving which makes that holiday hard. She did Christmas in a big way as well. I find myself doing little things to remember her like putting out pretty decorative holiday paper hostess towels or using her unique recipes. These are things only she would do so they automatically remind me of her.

    It does not matter how long ago we have lost loved ones, we still seek to remember our family.

    I found it interesting that Prince William was open enough to say he gave Kate Middleton his mother's engagement ring as a way to have his mother be a part of the event and to keep her close. Doesn't matter if we are common citizen or royalty, we all seek to fill that gaping hole left by lost loved ones.

    Peace to everyone this holy season,

    Julie

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