My guest today is a longtime acquaitance and author of many novels. Today author Gayle Roper shares a new venture of hers, The Widow’s Journey website and blog. Here’s Gayle:

“Two women stand out in my life, my mother and my mother-in-law. They were very different in personality and temperament, but I was blessed that they both loved me.

What fascinated me about them in their later years was the way they handled their widowhoods. My mom, a very strong woman I always admired, dealt with her widowhood very poorly. Mom Roper, on the other hand, was an excellent widow, spunky and lively.

Now that I’m a widow, I’ve thought a lot about what made the difference.

My normally active and opinionated mother sat for five years in an ugly green chair she loved and stared across the room at a picture of my father. I do not exaggerate. It broke my heart that she so completely gave up on life. I know my father’s long illness took the starch out of her, but still, such apathy!

My mother-in-law was a homemaker of the old school who kept a spotless house and showed her love by cooking us wonderful meals. Even after Dad died, we went to her house every Sunday after church for a full pot roast dinner with glasses of V-8 for appetizer. She continued to play the piano and be involved in her church and civic activities.

Three things have become apparent as I consider the two women, and these three things are vital for any woman to know if she wants to survive her widowhood with grace (and since most of us will be widows, we all need to consider them carefully).

First, my mother was very private and my mother-in-law was very social. When friends were needed to help with the loneliness and the sorrow, my mother had very few. She thought groups of women were catty and wasn’t involved in any women’s organizations. My mother-in-law had her civic and church women’s groups to go to and to draw friendships from.

Secondly, my mother did not go to church and my mother-in-law did and was active there. When my father died, my mom had no spiritual support beneath her. By contrast my mother-in-law had a strong faith to cling to and lots of church people to watch over her.

Thirdly, these two precious women differed in what they had in life that was theirs. I don’t mean material things; there they were similar. I mean activities and interests. My mother had lost all interest in what was happening around her. When she wasn’t staring at Dad’s picture, she was reading novels, not to enjoy a good story or meet interesting people in another world but to escape reality. My mother-in-law had church, music, contacts—things that kept her vital.

Friends, faith, and personal interests. As I move through this difficult time in my life, I have come to realize I need people about me, my faith within me, and my interests to spur me. I exercise the latter by writing Widow’s Journey, www.widowsjourney.com where I explore the emotions and truths of being alone.”–Gayle

Thanks, Gayle. You have described two completely different approaches to widowhood. I also had a mother in law and mother who were widowed and unfortunately both of them faced widowhood similar to your mother.

Are any of you widowed? How have you handled this? Do you think a woman should prepare for widowhood?–Lyn