1st Fruit of the Spirit-What True Love Is & Where Does It Lead? — 28 Comments

  1. forgiveness is an act of our will and not emotion. god chose to forgive us not cos we deserved it but cos we choose to. Forgetting it depends on the gravity and depth of what was done to us which affect out relationship. some it take longer time some its takes shorter time even a mins. but whenever we see the person and the churn and churn is still there or there is that turning in our spirit then we ve not forgiven.

  2. Lisa, yes, before we can love our neighbor as ourselves, we must love ourselves!

  3. I am looking forward to reading the story of Sunny who was an interesting supporting character in “Her Healing Ways.” I’ll be happy to pick up with Sunny where we left off. I think that forgiving oneself and self-love are necessary before we can fully give herselves to someone else. I hope Sunny is able to do that.

  4. Bless you in this struggle, Kara. There is strength in forgiveness. But I think it’s advisable to be watcful and protective of ourselves. I don’t think Christ allowed himself to suffer–except that was the only way to gain our forgiveness of sin. Hang in there and set your boundaries.

  5. Justice may be approprite in many cases. But after justice should come forgiveness.
    Very few of us ever witness rape. We’re mostly confronted by people who are unkind, unfeeling or unfair.

  6. Gee, I think that you may have chosen a safer course. We can never control others. And if offenses are to be expected from some family members, perhaps avoiding opportunities for that person to offend will help forgiveness along. I have the same hope for my children!

  7. I agree that forgiveness is essential for Christians, but that doesn’t make it easy. I’m struggling myself with forgiving someone who has hurt me repeatedly. Part of the problem is the fear that if I forgive it means making myself vulnerable to be hurt again. But I’m working on it. Good thing God is patient!

  8. I learned that to fogive is a choice. A conscious decision to love as we are loved. Making that choice is usually not a one time dicision for those deep heart wrenching hurts that sometimes come our way. When the evil one reminds us how badly we were hurt, we have to choose all over again the forgive.
    Loving and forgiving go together… apart from love how can we possibly forgive?

  9. Most Pew-Sitters (people who hope to go to heaven) erroneously believe that Christians must forgive everybody of every sin against them, even without the offender repenting. The subject must be approached objectively – with the questions a reporter would ask – and specifically the WHAT and HOW of forgiveness. The WHAT is that Christians must be willing and quick to forgive their brothers and sisters. That is the message of the so-called Lord’s Prayer, of Ephesians 4:32, of Matthew 6:14-15, and of Matthew 18:35. but most pastors and Pew-Sitters stop there – only reading the WHAT of forgiveness. Turn to Luke 17:3 and read the words of Jesus Himself for the HOW of forgiveness. “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” FOUR CLEAR STEPS IN THE FAMILIAR “IF-THEN” FORMAT GOD REPEATEDLY USES. If you are at all familiar with computer programming, then you know this “IF-THEN” command. Jesus certainly knew and used it here. Yes – we are to forgive willing, but within the framework of those four steps – and predictably the same four steps God requires of every Pew-Sitter who wants salvation. “But what if somebody sins against me and when I rebuke him he tells me he meant to hurt me? Am I supposed to withhold my forgiveness? Is that love?” I will answer that question with a real-life situation. If you were to come upon a man raping a woman, would you love both of them equally? NO YOU WOULD NOT! That rapist deserves whatever it takes to stop him so that the woman can be rescued. But some would ignore Jesus’ instructions in Luke 17:3 and grant the brute instant forgiveness in order to stay forgiven by God. That “sloppy forgiveness” is not scriptural.
    If you want to read more on this, go to, and type in the book, The Gift of Forgiveness, Charles Stanley. Click on the book cover so that the comments come up. When you see the first comment, read the one to the right – the one that gives Mister Satnley a failing grade on this vital subject.
    And if you want to write me, you can at

  10. I have had a hard time forgiving a person in my family. I know I need to but when it seems to cause the same issues over and over it is best for me to stay distant from that person and the persons family. I also keep my children from the environment as well. I want my children to continue to be raised in a Christian home and I know outside influences are always going to be there. I just my boy’s to trust me and come to me when they feel there is an issue even if they feel it is not really a big thing. It just might be a big thing to their mama. 🙂

  11. I hope to be one day in my life, at a place where offensives don’t bother once I have said “I forgive you”. But until that day I know that my Heavenly Father will be by my side because He has given me a helper(Holy Spirit) to encourage me along the road.

  12. I have to agree that love and forgiveness go together. Forgive 70 x 70, Jesus wants us to forgive, if we cannot forgive we are not loving someone. Hard to love when you are angry at someone, hating them. Forgiveness is necessary to happen so we can truly love someone thoroughly.

  13. Very profound, Norman. Unfortunately sacrificial love is not very popular these days.

  14. Lynne, I think forgiving is a process, often a long one, but worth it in the end. My father abandoned our family when I was 11. It took many years before I was able to put that behind me. But with God’s help, we reconciled before his death. I’m grateful.

  15. Yes, Patricia, we receive the strength from God to fulfill his commands. We are powerless without his power!

  16. Judy K, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. But maybe one step is leaving it behind and going on. Maybe that’s part of the letting go of forgiving.
    What do you think?

  17. Yes, AprilR,
    But I think Marianne has her finger on something. When we’ve really forgiven, we might still remember but it doesn’t stir us up What do you think?

  18. I am struggling right now to forgive someone. Maybe I have I just don’t know for sure. Can you still forgive someone for hurting you deeply but don’t want anything to do with them? That’s where I’m at right now. Hurts run deep in my past. Is it o.k. to forgive but go your own way?

    I think maybe you can love but not forget. Doesn that make any sense?

  19. I think to love is to forgive. God loves and forgives us so how can we not forgive those we love. Although,sometimes it seems hard to forget.

  20. We are compelled and even told,”to love our wife even as Christ loved the church. That means as far as death. I must admit not many do. Now days it is easy to just walk away from a spouse. But if we truly love we take the teachings of Christ and love no matter what the situation. We are only human and forgetting may be an another issue. But God’s love which should flow through us by the Holy Spirit would help us to forget. We are to walk in this love,talk in this love and live in this love. This love grows stronger everyday. It abides and is never failing. Love overcomes and sets a higher standard. It allows us to be like Christ. Love binds us as one. Love is God.

  21. i don’t think the term “forgive & forget” is actually a biblical term, but i think that with God’s help we can forgive to such an extent that when those thoughts come to mind, our feelings don’t churn and churn. If they do, i think we need to hand the problem back to God, and in my case, this can be a daily occurrence (or moment, depending on the degree of offense). Eventually, in my case, i can leave it there without taking it up again. God is good, and faithful.

  22. Sometimes forgetting is impossible. But I really hear you on being unforgiving to anybody hurts someone I love. Watch out for me!

  23. This story sounds very inspiring. I just finished reading Deadwood by Pete Dexter, with many characters such as your Sunny. What a tough life back then, for all, but especially for women. Not only would Sunny struggle with her Father in Heaven washing her clean, but also with trusting that her husband could get past her former ways, and never throw them in her face.

    I am far from being a perfect person. I love with all my heart, but when it comes to the unlovable, I admit I still struggle. I’m not sure I would be capable of forgiving certain things like murder or rape. I’m working on it, but I’m not there yet! Truth is, I’m still working on forgiving myself.

    Heavy topic!

  24. I think that love equals forgiveness but some people are easier to forgive. Because I love my husband and my daughter, I know that forgiving them is easier than forgiving a person who has perhaps harmed me ( or them) in someway. HOWEVER, how can I ask my Heavenly Father to forgive me if I am unwilling to forgive the more “unlovable”.

    Forgiveness and the ability to forgive is essential to Christians but I do think there are some instances where the forgetting is harder.

  25. Forgiveness can be a very sad thing. It’s very hard to forgive someone for things done to you, but the Lord demands it. Fortunately, He gives us the strength and the ability to do it. I think forgiving ourselves is even harder. We know the Lord forgives us, but our guilt of doing things we know were wrong to begin with, is unforgivable in our minds. That, too, takes a lot of faith and strength we can only get from God and through a lot of hard prayer. And sometimes, it takes a few times to get it through our “human” heads that God can forgive even those things we can’t forget that we’ve done. I hope this made some sense. LOL Either way, it has to come from HIm. God bless you!!!

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